When adult children return to their parents’ homes – or if they never leave – all the relationships in the household are put under extra strain. But there’s no need to be caught by surprise when common emotional traps start appearing in your own home.
The top three most common emotional landmines are also the most potentially damaging to your long-term relationship with your adult children living at home, and your relationships with your grandchildren and your own spouse. So don’t take the impact of your new living arrangement lightly. Be prepared for these traps so you can spot them coming and avoid disaster before it strikes.
Emotional Landmine #1: Anger and Resentment
If your adult child is moving back in with you in a time of crisis – or if they’ve never left your comfortable nest – it means they see you as a stable force in their lives, a warm and welcoming parent who will be there for them through thick and thin. And the truth is, you want to be that parent who can solve everything for your adult child living at home.
But when two generations of adults live in one household, it’s extremely easy for anger and resentment to build up on both sides. And once those bitter emotions have crept into a relationship, they are extremely difficult to overcome.
That’s why it’s critical that you and your adult child living at home work together to develop communication techniques and strategies that will deal with negative feelings before they take over – and potentially damage your relationship with your adult child forever.
Emotional Landmine #2: Undermining your adult child’s ability to be a good parent
When your adult child moves back home with an entire family in tow, your life changes drastically – and your lifestyle can take a sharp downward turn.
In addition to the other challenges associated with adult children living at home, you may have to deal with the expectation that you’ll be a full-time babysitter – for free. That may be okay if you’re retired and your adult children living at home are working full time. But what if they take advantage of the free sitting services to start staying out late, partying, or generally shirking their parental responsibilities?
The most important thing for your grandchildren is that your own children continue to be good parents. You can help your adult children living at home to be good parents without damaging their credibility or undermining their authority, but you have to walk a fine line to make it work.
When adult children come home with families of their own, the ground rules and expectations must be crystal clear. And your adult children living at home must understand that no matter what they may be going through in their own lives, it is their responsibility to parent their children – not yours.
Emotional Landmine #3: Damaging your relationship with your spouse
Having adult children living at home puts a strain on all the other relationships you have in your life – especially the relationship you have with your spouse. (And watch out: this emotional landmine is especially dangerous if the adult children are “steps.”)
According to a recent study, parents with adult children living at home have 10% more arguments than empty-nesters.
If your children are moving back into your home as adults, or sticking around longer than you or your spouse thinks they should, your privacy and independence will be compromised. You will no longer be able to dedicate as much of your time and attention to your spouse, and if their needs are no longer being met, they will understandably be upset.
Of course you want to do the best you can for your adult children living at home, but doing so at the expense of your own happiness will not make you a better parent. In fact, if you damage your relationship with your spouse so seriously that they leave you (and this does happen, so don’t think it can’t happen to you), you may end up relying on your adult children for emotional, or even financial, support. Suddenly you’ve created a vicious cycle that is impossible to break.
But by developing some simple coping strategies, and having a few key discussions with your spouse, you can all live together in peace.
There’s no reason your family has to get caught in any of these emotional landmines just because you have adult children living at home. Now that you know what the biggest challenges are that you need to watch out for, you can prepare yourself in advance to deal with problems before they take over your life.
The most important thing to remember when you have adult children living at home is that you’re all adults – and communicating your needs, expectations, and feelings clearly is the best way to keep everyone happy and sane.
If you are reading this article you probably think you are an adult. You may very well be an adult, yet, the odds are you aren’t. Yes, most of us are walking around in adult bodies, but that doesn’t make us adults. Add to that the fact that it is very difficult to become an adult. The reason it is so difficult is that there are so few role models. For example, look at a list of world leaders and show me one person who is a real adult. Perhaps some of the lesser known leaders would qualify. If you actually are an adult then you have accomplished something incredible. You have somehow grown up in a world run by children. What is an adult?
An adult is a person who takes 100 % responsibility for his or her life and situation. That is, nothing is someone else’s fault. The words “It’s not fair.” do not occur to you. An adult takes responsibility for his or her emotions. In other words, no one else makes you feel the way you do. An adult is honest with his or her self. That is, no self deception, no pretending. You see people and situations as they are and find a way to respond to them.
Not long ago I realized that I had not fully made the transition to adulthood. I had attained a good level of emotional intelligence. I was keenly aware of my emotions and controlled them very well. Where I fell short was my lack of sensitivity to other’s emotions. I thought I was sensitive and even prided myself on my ability to “see” others. I thought of myself as mature. After all. In my work I often advised people on what to do and how to do it. I often facilitated process for various groups. I wrote and published three books. I gave lectures on personal responsibility, leadership, and spirituality. Yet I came to realize that I was not a 58 year old adult. I was more like a 15 year old with 43 years of experience.
Most 15 year olds are the center of their own universe. “Everything revolves around me.” Although I practiced unselfishness and often cared about others, my perspective was as a center of attention. As a center of attention, I expected people and situations to cater to me. I was often frustrated with other people. When someone told me something personal I related it to myself, rather than truly understanding them. As children we are all centers of attention. We expect the “adults” in our respective lives to provide for us, to give us what we need. I didn’t expect people to give me food or money, but I did expect people to meet my emotional needs.
My parents were not adults. And I have it on the authority of my “grown-up” son that I have not been an adult either. He is 35 and becoming an adult. He has never met a good role model–not his parents, none of his teachers at high school or university, no managers in the workplace, and in his field, which is Art, no artists that he has met. He had to figure it out on his own. Me too. Although, my son certainly has served as a catalyst for me.
Perhaps the most significant realization has been that my ego is a child. All egos are children. Anyone who is run by their ego cannot function as an adult. The ego is a center of attention. An adult is a center of influence. That is, as a center of influence you realize that your thoughts and emotions have a ripple effect. Everything that you think, feel, say, and do affects the people and the situations around you. This is a change in perspective from “How is everyone and everything affecting me?– to How is everyone and everything affected by me?” It is an understanding that life is not happening to me. I am creating it with my every thought, with my deeply embedded assumptions, and my beliefs. The meaning we perceive in people and things is the meaning we have assigned to them.
An adult questions assumptions–his or her own and everyone else’s assumptions too. In other words, as an adult you actually think, rather than parrot the thoughts of others. It is difficult to subscribe to a religion if you are an adult. If you do subscribe, you probably don’t subscribe to all of it. Everything that shows up in both your thoughts and in your life gets questioned: “Is it true?” If you are honest, you find that most of it isn’t. You find that most everything people hold to be true is being made up.
As you enter adulthood it seems to be a struggle at first. You are releasing cherished beliefs. You are letting go of your need for approval, for control over others, and your habit of accepting “truths” that just aren’t true. For example: “You can have whatever you want!” Many have spoken that “truth”, but it isn’t true. You can’t have whatever you want. This is why so many of us are frustrated after trying so many books and programs without success. As A Course in Miracles reads: ‘The ego’s rule is this: seek and do not find.”
You can have what you TRULY want. What do you truly want? What is really important to you? Don’t answer that question too quickly. Set aside your beliefs and your goals. Get real quiet, and ask the question. What do I want? Listen within. Keep asking if need be. given that we mostly identify with our egos, a good way to inquire may be: “Not my will, but Thy will be done.” Once your answers begin to flow, act on them. That’s the other trait of an adult; the ability to move forward courageously, to do what you feel called to do.
So, are you an adult or not? Be honest. If you are, you already know it. This article doesn’t really evoke any emotion for you. If you aren’t, then maybe it’s time to start growing up. It’s worth the effort. The reward is freedom and the power of 100 % responsibility. The reward is the joy you feel knowing that you cannot be anyone’s victim. You find that you need not participate in any more dramas or soap operas in life. And as you release your fears, worries, resentments and disappointments, that there is a stronger Voice within you that will guide you. Instead of hoping certain things will happen for you (as children do), you trust that Spirit (or whatever you want to call it) will guide you well. You will form intentions, and those intentions will bubble up from within you. You will sense a knowing that the path you intend is the right one. You will accept, but not judge, that most others are still children, and do your best to be helpful–to be the role model we so desperately need.
Adult education provides adults with a better quality of education and an improved standard of living in this society. This form of education can be continued at any stage of your life. It helps people continue their education and they can be graduated with the help of nation’s various adult education centers. It ensures people to survive in a better way in these competitive societies. Adult education and literacy programs are usually funded through federal grants in most of the states.
The Division of Adult Education and Literacy (DAEL) helps Americans improve their life standards by helping them in giving a high quality of education. It helps people survive in this much competitive society and improves their employment opportunities. National Assessment of Adult Literacy (NAAL) is another center which ensures adults to continue their education at any stage.
Office of Vocational and Adult Education (OVAE) regulates several adult educational programs for adults which provide quality education. The credit diploma program in adult education program is similar to attending the high school. Interactive technology of learning through video-conferencing or online-based learning is also available. Adult education programs are in variety and one can avail different forms and features by accessing social services. Technological and career exploration can be developed through these programs.
In general, adult education program works by providing many features like Adult Basic Education (ABE) which includes computer literacy, numerical study, family literacy, and correctional education with workplace basic skills. The National Association of Manufacturers helps in English fluency for the immigrants along with the Department of Education. NAAL also provides adult education, coordination, and project planning, along with offering intensive technical support to six different states guiding adult education and workforce training.
One of the biggest acne-related myths is that after you are through puberty and your teenage years, it is impossible to develop facial acne; this statement could not be further from the truth. Unfortunately, adult acne is becoming more of an epidemic than it has been in the past. It is estimated that roughly one in every four adults [in the United States] suffer from adult acne. It generally is more of a widespread problem among female adults in comparison to males, but both sexes can be plagued with unwanted facial pimples.
Just because someone is an adult, doesn’t mean that acne becomes easy to deal with. In fact, a number of factors including: hereditary acne-links, hygiene, stress, and diet can contribute to the development of facial acne in adults. Fortunately, there are many great acne solutions available to treat adult acne. Acne solutions are most effective if suggested by a dermatologist due to the fact that they have much experience with acne treatment. If you are an adult, do not be ashamed to seek out a dermatologist for acne help.
Many dermatologists will be able to get the skin of acne-troubled adults looking clear within a matter of weeks. Treatment methods to eliminate adult acne may include taking an oral acne-medication, birth control pills (for women), and utilizing a prescription acne face wash. There’s no saying which treatment method will be most effective due to the fact that all acne treatments affect people differently. What may work for one of your friends or co-workers, may not be the best acne solution for you.
For adults that don’t have the time or money to seek out a dermatologist, it may be beneficial to buy an over-the-counter form of acne skin cream or face wash. There are many effective acne products that have been proven to work especially well for minor to moderate cases of adult acne. For most adults, it is a matter of doing a little experimentation to figure out what works best for their face.
If you are an adult struggling with acne or know someone who could benefit from an acne treatment product, don’t be afraid to let them know. Everyone wants to have clear skin and look sexy – including adults. Don’t let the development of adult acne lead you to believe that there is no hope for treatment. There are plenty of great ways to get adult facial acne treated; it’s just a matter of taking the action to test some.
You are not going to find a set of miracle acne solutions on the internet no matter how many search-engine searches you perform, so stop looking! If you want to clear up your adult-acne as soon as possible, you need to start testing things like: face washes, a healthier diet, dermatologist recommendations, and stress reduction techniques – just to name a few. If you keep moping around the house wishing that there was some way to cure your adult acne, you’re never going to make any progress with the treatment.
I believe it is important to reiterate the fact that if you do not take action towards fixing your adult acne problem and continue searching for acne cures on the internet, you will not make progress with the treatment of your acne. It is possible to completely clear up your adult acne find an effective acne solution. Now go out and win the battle with your facial acne by never settling for looking less than your best!
Hampton teaches people about adult acne treatments by writing articles about acne solutions and other related topics.